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Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

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The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

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Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.

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If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.

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A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

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I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

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The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

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